The Obsessed Alienator

Parental Alienation (PAS) at it's worst.

Hello

Doug Darnall, in his article "Three Types of Parental Alienators" describes the the varying degrees of severity associated wth Parental Alienation:

Parental alienation varies in the degree of severity, as seen in the behaviors and attitudes of both the parents and the children. The severity can be of such little consequence as a parent occasionally calling the other parent a derogatory name; or it could be as overwhelming as the parent's campaign of consciously destroying the children's relationship with the other parent. Most children are able to brush off a parent's offhand comment about the other parent that is made in frustration. On the other hand, children may not be able to resist a parent's persistent campaign of hatred and alienation.

In the case of the Obsessed Alienator, there is a strong need and desire to destroy the targeted parent.

Introduction

You might know this woman.
click here to see what she has done

She is an obsessed alienator:

Douglas Darnall, Ph.D. lists the characteristics of the Obsessed Alienator as:

Some Background

I have not really seen nor had any relationship with my two children for four years now. So you understand, I want to have a relationship with my children, I want to be in their lives, I love my children and I was always their for them before the divorce.

"So what happened?", you may ask. I married a woman who was, or turned into a Parental Alienator. I suspect she always had it in her and that I just didn't see it until after the children were born. By that time, it was too late. Looking back, I saw her exhibiting these behaviors with the kids, I just didn't know what to do or how to handle those situations. When I don't know how to deal with some things, as I've done so many times before - if I didn't know how to deal with a tough situation, I simply did nothing. Doing nothing was a mistake. Hindsight being just that, doing nothing was a HUGE mistake.

Doing nothing enabled her to be an active alienator - I was used as a form of discipline, "you kids need to do this before your dad comes home"; "do you want me to tell your dad"; "your dad is going to yell at you if you don't listen to mommy". As our relationship became more distant, with the children in earshot, "the kids want to know why you stopped playing with them and went upstairs to your office"; "I called the doctor's office and they said that you were never there... you liar"; "The kids thought you were going to take them to the park, where did you go? To meet your girlfriend?"

I was guilty, I was guilty of doing nothing. I wanted to argue, but not in front of the kids. We had no alone time to deal with these issues. We were both with the kids, all the time. We didn't want to be alone together. When I was young, when I was growing up, I remember my mom and dad fighting, arguing, yelling at each other. I never wanted to visit that on the kids... never... I didn't know how to argue with her... with the kids there. So I did nothing.

Examples of Alienation

List of alienating activities

Need to clean this all up, but for now, here are items I need to address:

• during the marriage, type and level of alienation started as active progressed to obsessed alienation prior to and then subsequent to the divorce

Links and References

Look at the links and reference page for a comprehensive list of references and lists. Special references here to Dr. Douglas Darnall and Dr. Jayne Major:

• Dr. Douglas Darnall, www.parentalalienation.org
• Dr. Jayne Major, www.breakthroughparentingservices.org

Please read through these references and check out the links. Do not delay contacting these people if you are involved in a situation involving Parental Alienation.

About the Author

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