description:

I had to get a court order to call my children. After I was removed from my home I tried to call and speak with them. The pattern was the same - I would call at the time designated in the court order but would get the answering machine, get a busy signal, or no one would answer. I would wait a few minutes and try again. After the second or third time she would answer and tell me that it was past the time I was supposed to call and that I was late. It wasn't much past, maybe 10 minutes. Still, it was an opportunity for her to "yell at me", to admonish me... and as I now understand, usually with the children nearby.

Here is just one such example. I rang the house phone at 8pm. There was no answer. I then tried a few more times and still no answer. I then rang her cell phone. This time, she answers and tells me that I am calling late. I do not know it at the time, but they are taking their new dog for a walk. When I called, she yells at me for being late. After arguing with me, she turns the phone over to my daughter who is, apparently, standing right next to her, and listening to her mom scold me.

alienating behaviors:

First, I am being "set up" and don't even know it. Eager to speak with my kids, I do not even consider that someone could actually do this. My first calls go unanswered. Eventually, I call her cell phone and she answers. Rather than simply hand the phone over to the children (the right thing to do to avoid arguing in front of the kids) she initiates an exchange with me and eventually hands the phone over anyway.

Listen how quickly she hands the phone over to my daughter. There isn't any delay to speak of. There isn't anythink said such as "hey, come here... your dad is on the phone...", rather it's "here... say goodnight to the kids".

What is just so surprising is how willing the child is to appease the alienting parent. My daughter, when she was with me and away from her mother *was* the daughter I always knew. The little girl telling me that I called too late is doing so because her mother is standing right next to her ().

click here to hear this recording

description:

This is a voice message she left me when she learned that I would be picking up the kids from school on Wednesday so they could visit with me. She had just found out about it, it hadn't happened yet. This would be the first Wednesday that I would be picking them up from school. I point out the fact that up to this point, I hadn't had a visit with the kids during the week. I had not yet picked them up from school.

While she is telling me what to do, that the kids "hate it" (although I'm not sure what it is they hate yet, they haven't done this yet), that the kids don't want me to help them with their homework... you can hear my son in the background reminding her that I need to have a carpool number in order to pick them up from school. She is leaving this phone message for me with the kids standing nearby, and listening!

alienating behaviors:

She is:

• leaving me a message about picking up the kids - with the children standing right next to her
• demeaning and condescending to me (I had gotten used to it) but with the children as an audience